Uneasy Lies the Head that Wears the Crown
by lborgia88
Summary: A Sequel to "Guinevere": Ken had once believed that after the war, he and Jun would be together. Now Galactor has been defeated, but the life Ken had expected to be waiting for him is not there.


She ran like a deer, fleet and graceful. The paths were too narrow to run abreast in this wooded section of the park so, as ever, he'd fallen in behind Jun, not quite admitting to himself that being able to watch her while she ran was another motive at play. The team met a few mornings a week at an ISO fitness facility in the city. Not really the _team_, though, as Jinpei was usually at school and Joe was… gone.

The war had ended several months ago, but after training and fighting together for so many years, some habits could not, or should not, be broken. When the weather was decent, he and Jun both shunned the treadmills to run outside in the park, after weights and before sparring. Ryu never joined them, claiming they were too fast for him, and insisting that he preferred the rowing machine anyway.

Perspiration created a pattern of Jun's body on the back of her shirt and shorts, showing him just where her bra, spine and waist were. It was mesmerizing, watching the contours of her body, her slender yet strong legs, in motion. She was so beautiful…

The morning fitness sessions had been his idea. In the weeks that had immediately followed Karakoram, they'd all been adrift, grieving, but especially Jun. On the surface, she appeared to be trying to work herself to death at the Snack J, but he alone knew the truth there. In part, he'd sought a way to get her out of that place sometimes, at least for a few hours, but he also found that he missed their former regimen, and the fear of "getting soft" filled him with a deep sense of unease. So he'd cracked the whip one last time, insisting that they maintain their training, at least to _some_ extent, and ordering Jinpei to attend the school that Jun had found for him. It was a small private school with many children of ISO personnel, where Jinpei's precocious knowledge of engineering and weaponry, and appalling ignorance of literature and history, drew less scrutiny.

They'd reached the steepest section of the path, and Ken was feeling the burn in his thighs now. Just ahead, the path curved around a large tree, briefly bringing Jun into profile. She turned her head to glance at him and then sped up the remainder of the slope as he pushed himself to keep pace with her.

His plan had worked, Ken thought. She was prone to staring off into the distance, seemingly lost in memories, but the pain-glazed, frenetic look that had haunted her eyes for so many weeks, after the war's end, had faded. But the happy girl of yore seemed gone forever, replaced by a quieter, graver woman. To Ken it often seemed like she'd achieved the dignity of a dowager queen, that her face held a sad serenity now and her eyes a mysterious, hard-earned wisdom that belied the fact that she was not quite nineteen.

Yet she was more beautiful. So often now, when he was with her, he found himself so damned _aware_ of her eyes, her lips, and her body, it made it hard for him to think clearly. He should have been able to repress it; he'd been the _master_ of that art for so long. Why was it now becoming so difficult?

It had been the war, the war that had dominated his mind, his entire _life_, for so long, and now the war had been won. There had been a time, once, when he and Jun had been waiting for its end, waiting to be together. That day had actually dawned, but by then, everything had changed.

She hadn't waited for peace to be achieved; she hadn't waited for him. It was Joe that she had wanted, not him. Whenever he was alone now with Jun, somehow Joe was always there too, a ghostly presence but one with whom Jun still belonged and would always belong. He felt an ache in his chest, and not just from running up the hill. He might have won a war, but in the end he hadn't won Jun. Joe had been her true love, not him.

But peacetime was no excuse to be staring like a hormonal adolescent. He had to stop his growing fixation with Jun! He had to discipline himself, and his life! There might not be a war to fight anymore, but he had an air delivery service to run, and prototype aircraft to test for the ISO. That would have to be his new mission, and hopefully where he could regain the focus and clarity that seemed to be slipping away from his life now. She had chosen Joe, not him. _He_ would respect his fallen comrade's memory, just as surely as Jun would herself. She would never want him, or anyone else, now.

They were out of the woods now, and the path had widened. He forced himself to go faster and put her behind him.

"What's this?" she called out, "You think you're a better runner than me? I'll bet you that you can't beat me to the park gates!" She surged to catch up with him. Despite her labored breathing, she was actually smiling.

"What'll I get if I win?"

"You'll have to win to find out!"

He didn't win.

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Ken stared blankly at the small piece of white paper that lay before him on the Snack J's counter. The server shifted uncomfortably.

"That's, um… the check for your lunch."

"But… but I always…"

"There's, uh… a new policy now –no tabs allowed. Not even for you."

"That's right," cooed Jun's voice in his ear. He spun around on his stool. There was a faint smile on her lips. Since that day, weeks ago, that she'd challenged him to race in the park, she still amused herself occasionally at his expense, but the way she was now resting her hands on her hips told him that she wasn't kidding.

"I happen to know that you fly air deliveries nearly every day. The tab was one thing back in the days when I knew you were genuinely broke, but now things have changed, and the Snack J's new sound system isn't going to pay for itself, you know."

He sighed, and reached for his wallet. She was right; he was making money these days, now that he was no longer infuriating his clients by skipping out on deliveries without notice, or being impossible to contact for days at a time. Test pilot gigs were coming in from the ISO fairly regularly too –he suspected Dr. Nambu was pulling strings on his behalf there. But "back in the days," he never would have imagined that Jun possessed such zealous business acumen. There was no denying, however, that the Snack J had become _the_ place to be for Utoland's young crowd, as a result of Jun's hard work and surprisingly shrewd marketing savvy. He glanced around briefly, noting that every table was filled.

Ryu and his marina, Jinpei and school, Jun and the Snack J –they all seemed to be thriving now in their new, thoroughly civilian lives. How were they managing to do that, especially Jun? She had been in the worst shape of all of them. Deep down, Ken knew that he was just going through the motions where his air delivery business was concerned. He still felt adrift, his life directionless.

He looked up at Jun, who was actually smirking now, as he pulled cash from his wallet. She'd been a tortured, frantic shell of her former self for weeks after Karakoram. So many times she'd called him, late at night, just barely coping with her grief as reality, that Joe was never coming back, wore down and defeated her hope. Of course she'd called him; he was the only one who'd known about her and Joe. Trying to help Jun through her grief had given him a much-needed purpose, had helped him keep it together. But he still felt a void within where Joe -his foil, his friend, his _brother_- had been. Ken was certain that Joe, at least, would have understood his malaise. Above all else, Joe had been a soldier –surely he too would have found it hard to adjust to this longed for, but now strangely uncomfortable, peace.

He remembered Jun's final late night call to him, some months ago now.

"Ken, it's time." Her voice had sounded hollow, yet somehow firm.

"Time? I don't understand."

"The UN, and the ISO –I know that you've been preventing them from commemorating Joe."

"I knew that you… Are you sure you're ready?"

She was silent for a moment.

"I'll never be ready. But it's time."

He never knew what she'd gone through that night, in her mind, but ever since then she'd been… better. It was such a change from all those months ago. Ken wished he knew her secret for getting on with life; he felt as if he were stalled, lacking in drive. There she was, in front of him, still smirking at him with an amused glint in her eyes. What did she know that he didn't? Suddenly, Ken found himself wondering what Joe's last words to her had been as he had lain on the grass at Karakoram. He hadn't heard them; when Joe had spoken her name, he'd turned and stepped away, unable to watch or listen without feeling like an intruder…

"And don't think that I'm going to write off your existing tab."

Yes, she was doing much better now. But, he couldn't remember the last time he'd heard her laugh.

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"Come on, people! You are slacking!"

They were doing practice sparring, and he'd bested Ryu in less than a minute, with a move he should have seen coming. And Jinpei, who'd preceded Ryu, had been no better. This would never do.

"Give us a break, Ken," groaned Ryu, from the floor, "Some of us were up late last night."

"Let me guess, at the Snack J?"

Ryu laughed.

"Yup," chimed in Jinpei, "and he met a _girl_!"

"Maybe what we're missing here is motivation. Jun, you're next, _and I'll bet you that you can't beat me_."

That got her attention. She stepped up, adjusting the belt of her gi.

"Standard rules?"

"The first ass on the floor is the loser's."

"What'll I get if I win?"

"You'll have to win to find out."

And the match began. She was evading or blocking his attacks, as he was hers. She was fast, but it was only a matter of time before his weight, strength and longer reach prevailed…

"You don't stand a chance, Sis!" hooted Jinpei, "He always beats you."

Normally, that was true. But normally, Jun didn't wait until she had her back to Ryu and Jinpei to whip open the front of her gi and flash her bare breasts at him. It lasted barely a second, but he froze, wide-eyed, just long enough for her to knock him off his feet with a front snap kick.

Ryu and Jinpei stared, stunned, for a few seconds and then convulsed in laughing fits. Ken himself was in shock, sprawled on the floor. Jun offered him a hand to get back to his feet.

"So," she whispered, "What have I won?"

What she had just done, the way she was smiling at him now –_what_ was going on here?

"What do you want?" was all that he could stammer out, as he took her hand.

"You have to take me out to dinner –somewhere nice."

He wasn't sure what he'd expected her to say; he knew only that that wasn't it.

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Fair was fair, though; he'd lost the bet, so he took her out the following night to a small bistro. On the surface, they were two old friends having dinner. That was what they were _supposed _to be, at any rate. But by the time their desserts and coffee were served, his world was slipping off its axis. It wasn't that she was _saying_ anything unusual, but she'd touched his hand three times during dinner, she was leaning forward and speaking softly, and her eyes looked strangely… warm?

Was he just imagining all this? He'd vowed, ages ago, to stop thinking about her like _that_, but the dress she was wearing tonight –deep green like her eyes, with a plunging halter neckline- was _not_ helping. After the tantalizing glimpse he'd received yesterday, it was distressingly difficult to keep his eyes from glancing down. After almost a year, he still wasn't quite used to seeing her, or for that matter, himself, out of their old numbered civvies, but since when did Jun wear dresses like this? She couldn't be… _flirting_ with him. Joe had been her love; he was gone, but surely he was still alive in her heart.

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The plan had been to drop her off at the Snack J, say goodnight, and then go home. He badly needed to be alone, to figure things out. Tonight was somehow pulling him into a place where he couldn't see ahead. He was flying blind.

But she had invited him inside, and he had found himself following her.

The Snack J closed earlier on Sunday nights, so it was empty and dimly lit. Jun had gone behind the bar, and he could hear glass clinking, something being poured. Now she was coming towards him, holding two snifters.

"I thought we could have a little night cap. Let's sit down."

Many of the old booths had been replaced with dark leather couches around low tables. He sat down first, but she placed herself beside him, instead of across from him.

"I want to thank you, Ken, not just for dinner tonight, but for… everything, for being there for me when I was…"

She paused, looking at him, her eyes large and liquid, her lips wet from whatever was in the snifters. His pulse was quickening.

He looked away, down at the drink in his hand. He took a slow sip, trying to buy time, time to analyze the situation.

A liqueur, but not one he could place. He was having trouble thinking…

"It's been nearly a year. We're in a new world, Ken, and I've finally come to understand what he- I've come to understand that I can't keep living with my heart in the past, and that maybe the happiness I've always wanted is, after all, still possible for me."

She set her drink down on the table. She put a hand on his leg. Her words were turning in his mind but he couldn't seem to think. He could only stare into her eyes, lost…

"Ken…" She was touching his face, and then she was kissing him.

The warmth of her body…

_What_? This made no sense! She didn't want _him_, right? _What_ to do? His mind grasped for clarity. Determine the viable options, project their probable outcomes, select the most effective…

The scent of her skin, her hair…

It was intense, and real. Dear God, he _couldn't think_ –he could hardly breathe. His mind receded; now he was only… his body. The delicate touch of her lips set him afire. Soft, wet, sweet…

Amaretto, from… Italy.

Joe.

A twist in his gut.

Stop, stop, stop! He pulled his lips away, pulled himself away.

"Ken-"

"What are you doing, Jun?"

"Ken, I-"

"Why are you doing this? Joe's the one you wanted. I won't be some kind of… _consolation prize_!"

"Ken… it's not like that! We had something, you and I, and we still have… something. I _know_ we do."

She was touching his cheek, his hair. But he was being swept away by deep currents of-

"Joe is dead, but he wanted me to… live. I have to… keep going. We-"

Anger.

"Moving on? _You are just too good at that, aren't you_?"

_What_ had made him say that? He had to get out of here before he-

She jerked her hand back.

"What is that supposed to mean?" she cried, as pain flooded her face.

_He had to get out of here_.

"I'm sorry, Jun, but I have to leave!"

And he was gone; back out into the cool night air, back in his car, clutching the steering wheel, trying to get his breathing under control, trying to get _himself_ under control.

Jun… What had he just done to Jun?

He staggered out of his car, back to the Snack J, but he stalled outside, looking in the window. She was still sitting on the couch, her hands over her face now, sobbing.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. _Damn it_! He didn't have a plan, and he was paralyzed. _He needed time to think._

He had to go back to his car again and drive home.

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Sleep was out of the question, though he walked from his car like one surrounded by a toxic fog. He could never have said why, but his feet took him away from his front door, and over to the furthest hangar at his airfield.

He'd thrown a tarp over it, all those months ago, so he wouldn't have to see it, but now he dragged the tarp off, sending dust into the air.

Joe's trailer.

As soon as he opened the door, it hit him. The smell, it took hold of him and pulled him back in time. What was it? Some elusive blend of gun cleaner, coffee, Simple Green, that aftershave he'd favored… It was so utterly Joe, yet he'd never noticed it, until now.

All he could do was drop down to the floor, knees pulled to his chest, and sit there, as the memories found him, memories that, here, he could no longer hide from…

Sun through the trailer windows, sounds from the racetrack in the near distance.

"Idiot! Don't you notice the way she looks at you? Cause I'm telling you, Jun never looks at _me_ that way!"

"I notice, Joe. I'm not blind!"

"Then why the hell aren't you doing anything?"

"Haven't I got enough to deal with already?"

"You think she'd be -what? A duty? A chore? You're insane!"

"I'm calling her a distraction –a distraction that I can't afford!"

"The best things in life are distractions, man –that's the whole point!"

"Look, I can't… _Just shut up about this, alright_?"

Joe had just looked at him and shaken his head.

"Fine. Get your nose out of that book, though, and come to the shooting range with me."

Joe had shut up about it, at least for the rest of that day, and together they'd destroyed targets galore.

Still sitting on the trailer floor, in the dark, Ken dropped his head and put his hands over his eyes. He had done something, eventually; he had told Jun that he loved her, and she'd told him she'd wait...

"You told Jun you love her?"

Another memory… He and Joe had been sitting outside at night, on the trailer step, but Joe had turned to look at him in surprise and then he had grinned and thumped him on the back.

"Give me the details!"

"Details? What do you mean?"

"Don't try to play innocent! You know damned well what I mean."

"There aren't any 'details,' Joe! We're going to wait until the war is over."

Joe had studied him, not saying anything.

"Stop looking at me like that! It's not like I don't _want_ her! I just… I can't be with her right now, with the war, she's too close to… everything-"

"Ken, you don't have to explain. After all these years, don't you think I know how that strange mind of yours functions?"

"Strange? This, from the guy who thinks 'shoot it now' is all the strategy we ever need?"

Joe had snorted.

"Tell me you at least _kissed_ her though, or I'll have to kick your ass."

But he'd been silent for a few minutes, staring into the darkness.

"I love her so much, Joe, but… am I being… stupid? When it comes to this sort of thing, I don't think I really know _what_ I'm doing…"

"Yeah, your tactical manuals don't cover this sort of thing. But don't worry, Ken; Jun loves you. You are one lucky guy."

Joe, the step and the night sky faded, and Ken was again sitting on the trailer floor in the dark, his head in his hands. He wasn't feeling very lucky. He exhaled, shakily, but yet another memory pushed its way into his mind.

Early morning at the Crescent Base, the small kitchen near their quarters, still raw from what he'd learned the night before, about Jun and Joe.

Joe had wandered in sleepily, pulling up short when he saw Ken. They had just stared silently at each other for a moment. Joe's eyes had been filled with guilt, but he hadn't looked away.

"I am so sorry, Ken. You have _no idea_… I never-"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Joe had kept staring at him.

"_Aren't you at least going to hit me_?"

"_What would that accomplish_?"

Joe had looked down at the floor then.

"It might make me feel better," he'd said quietly.

Ken had just glared at him and had said nothing, turning his attention to the coffee maker. He hadn't wanted to help Joe feel better! But Joe had known him so well, had known when to _really_ leave him alone about something.

"Those beans are crap, Ken. Use these –they're better."

And they had been better, and flavored with… amaretto.

They had sat there together in silence, drinking the coffee. In the minutes that had followed, in the days that had followed, nothing more was ever said on the matter and Joe, as ever, had gone about being exactly the second-in-command that Ken needed -his foil, his friend, his brother.

It was then that Ken, still huddled on the trailer floor, realized he was crying.

Joe.

Joe was dead.

He smashed his fist into the trailer wall. It hurt like hell, so he did it again, and again with his other fist, and again, and again…

The trickles of tears swelled to streams.

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He lifted his head from his knees, his face sticky, pushing his hair from his eyes with aching hands. Somehow, though, he felt… clearer.

He had to go see Jun.

She was the _last_ person he wanted to hurt. Yet somehow…

What he'd done to her tonight had been a spasm of… _cruelty._ He was aware there were places, deep down within, where he did not go but from where, when his control slipped, dark things could escape.

How could he have let this happen?

He had a plan now. He would clean himself up, and then go to the Snack J, before it opened, and apologize to Jun. He would say-

He had no idea what he would say, or how he would respond to what she might say. He would have to think about this for awhile…

No! There wasn't time for that!

As he rose to leave the trailer, there was another memory of Joe… on the bridge of the God Phoenix.

"You over-think _everything_. Trust your instincts for once!"

For once, he would take a lesson from Joe; he would go in blind and make it up as he went along.

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Seven in the morning, and there was an empty parking space directly across the street from the Snack J. The place didn't open for another half an hour, but he was sure that Jun would be in there somewhere.

So far, so good.

But there was a sign on the front door: "Closed for inventory and maintenance. We will reopen at noon. We apologize for any inconvenience." He stared helplessly.

He tried the door anyway. It was locked.

Damn it! What should he do now? He couldn't bear the thought of driving away, leaving things the way they were, and if he came back at noon there would be too many people around.

He would try the back door. He had nothing to lose…

It was locked too. As he stood there, wondering if there was any use in knocking, the door opened to reveal Jinpei, holding a clipboard.

"I thought I heard someone! What are you doing here so early?"

"I, um… I have an early delivery flight this morning. I thought I'd try to get an early breakfast…"

"You saw the sign, didn't you? The cook's not here. But, I might be able to throw a quick bite together for you-"

"No, don't bother, Jinpei! Aren't you going to be late for school, or something?"

"Yeah," sighed Jinpei, "I have to get going pretty soon. But come in anyway –I was helping Sis with her inventory, but you can take my place."

He followed Jinpei inside.

"Hey, I'm taking off now. Look, my replacement's just arrived!"

Jun was in the small storeroom, standing on a ladder against a tall shelf of beer cases. The face she turned to Ken was expressionless, but the vestiges of a long night clung to her eyes.

He felt Jinpei shoving the clipboard and a pen into his hands. He tried not to wince.

He didn't know yet what to say. He stared blankly at the clipboard, which contained a long beverage checklist.

Jun didn't wait for him to say anything. She turned away, and in a tone that was crisp and business-like, she began rattling off a string of beer brands, and amounts, leaving him scrambling to keep up.

"The beer's done now. Could you move those cases over there, with the other domestic brands?"

He could, and did. More ordering and rearranging followed. He still couldn't think of what to tell Jun, how to explain what he could barely understand, or even acknowledge, within himself.

It felt warm and stuffy inside the storeroom. Jun had dressed in the tank top and shorts that she wore to run in the park but Ken, in jeans and a buttoned down shirt, wasn't faring so well.

Since Jinpei had left, she hadn't looked at him.

It was tense, and awkward, and horrible, and he still couldn't think of how to begin.

Now, she'd moved the ladder to the shelves on the other side of the storeroom, and was bombarding him with the names and amounts of different liquors. It wasn't easy to keep up with her on the checklist, and the fact that the ladder put her beautiful female curves on eye level, now merely a few feet away, didn't help him collect his thoughts.

"Here, these should be with the other wines."

To take the bottles she was handing down, he had to stand beside the ladder. She still wouldn't look at him, but in the close, warm air, it seemed he was breathing the scent of her long dark hair and her creamy skin, feeling her breathe, feeling her heart beat…

His own pulse was quickening. She had kissed him, last night; the touch of her lips had been transfixing.

She was so beautiful, strong, intelligent -in all ways desirable.

_What the hell was wrong with him_? He still loved her, he'd _always_ loved her. He still wanted her.

Here and now, nothing else mattered. Nothing else mattered.

He set the bottles down, and the clipboard. He had to speak. If only he could just see her face, he would find the words.

"Jun?"

"They go on the bottom shelf-"

"_Jun, just look at me_!"

Startled, she spun around on the ladder. There, for an instant, was her face, and her eyes –eyes that had shed far too many tears- found his. But her foot on the ladder rung slipped, and she was falling, falling into his arms…

Nothing else mattered.

And then he knew. He knew that he would never know what to say, but now he did know what to do.

He kissed her.

Maybe his life was adrift and nebulous. Maybe, at that very moment, the sun was exploding, the oceans were boiling and the earth was being rent apart.

He was kissing Jun and nothing else mattered.

Her lips, pliable and warm, danced with his. She was really with him; it wasn't too late. Her mouth was delicious, her skin so soft and smooth. She smelled so good, she tasted so good. His hands were still around her waist, and he slid them under her shirt. He just had to touch her skin, feel the play of softness and muscle, the curve of her hips.

Jun, Jun… The sheer sensual intoxication of touching and kissing Jun. Oh God, he'd wanted her so badly, for so long…

Duty, mission, leadership? No! He was done with all that now, wasn't he? He could have this; he was allowed to have this…

He _needed_ her.

She reached up, running her fingers through his hair. He kissed a path along her soft cheek, to her delicate ear, down the side of her neck, alive with small movements, the beat of her pulse. It didn't matter if his hands still ached; he had to keep touching her body, exploring her back, sliding her shirt up.

He slid his hands around, grazing a thumb over each of her nipples. Even through the fabric of her bra, he felt them respond, harden to his touch.

"Ken…" she said softly, seeking his mouth again with hers. Their lips joined again, more wantonly, and the tip of his tongue found and flickered with hers, and he was afire with a lust more desperate and intense than he'd ever known was possible. Jun made it possible. Barriers, maintained for years, were crumbling down. He wrapped both arms around her and pulled her against him, so eagerly that he stumbled, and the bottles of wine he'd set on the floor toppled over and smashed.

_Damn it_! He let her go, stepped away.

"Sorry! I'll clean it-"

"Ken, it doesn't matter!" She pulled him back, driving his body against hers, wrapping a leg around him.

"Just don't stop…" she whispered into his mouth, reigniting their kiss. He slid his hands down past her waist, over her shorts, to the bare skin of her upper thighs, reaching his fingers to the tender heat of her inner thighs. She dropped an arm, and slid her fingers over the bulge at the fly of his jeans, nearly obliterating what control he still had over the hunger in his body.

There was a table at the back of the storeroom, beyond the spreading puddle and the broken glass. There he moved, taking Jun with him. There were boxes of restaurant supplies stacked on the table, until he shoved them all onto the floor with a sweep of his arm and lifted her into their place. She parted her knees and stared into his eyes, her face flushed and mouth slightly open, as he moved between her legs.

Eyes locked on his, she pulled her tank top over her head and off. She unhooked the front fastening of her bra, and it too was off. Now, he didn't even try to keep his eyes on her face as he reached to touch her breasts for the first time, to caress them gently with his fingers, to wonder at their ideal blending of suppleness and firmness, as he dropped his head down to suckle one of her nipples in his mouth.

Feeling it swell and harden with arousal from his tongue and lips, he could feel his own hard and turgid need straining urgently in response. Jun was leaning back, moaning softly and stroking the back of his head, his neck. He moved to her other nipple, but then Jun was sitting up, pushing him back, and closing her knees.

She was sliding her shorts and panties down, and as she raised herself from the table with her hands, he moved to pull them down, past her knees, off. She slipped her feet from her shoes.

She was completely naked now, leaning back and staring into his eyes as he stood, not moving. She spread her thighs, exposing her glistening rose, and his burning gaze left her eyes to sweep over her body. At that moment, sitting on an old table in the Snack J's storeroom, she was the most glorious sight he'd ever seen. How was he managing even to breathe? She was beautiful, erotic, perfect -she was his Jun.

And he lost all control.

He lunged towards her, hands unfastening his jeans. She grabbed both sides of his shirt and yanked them apart, sending buttons flying. He threw off his shirt and kissed Jun fiercely as she pushed his jeans down his thighs, and his shorts, releasing his rigid length to the grip of her fingers. Their kiss slowed and deepened, as she began to stroke him with her hands. It was his turn to moan.

Yes… So good, so damned good…

She broke their kiss, slid closer and guided the head of his cock to her hot, wet core, not taking him in but sliding him up and down, between the delicate folds and over the small but swollen focus of her own need, her moans becoming gasps.

It was the most intense, exquisite torture he had ever experienced in his life. His own breath came only in gasps as he reached forward to stroke her belly, her breasts. He looked to her face, and this time he could easily hold his gaze to hers, enthralled, to watch her face flutter and spasm till she reached her ecstasy and cried out, head thrown back and eyes closed.

She let go of him and arched back on the table, wrapping her legs about him, then using one hand to guide him into her.

"Jun…"

Her eyes met his; this was real, this was really happening…

"Ken…"

He was inside her, thrusting, finding his rhythm, savoring the utter bliss that was her most intimate and primal caress, over and over and over. Clinging to his shoulders, she lifted her mouth to his, sharing a kiss and her sounds of joyous climax, and his own body responded, exploded, in waves of satiating release.

"Jun, Jun, Jun…"

He embraced her, holding her as closely as he could. They were one, she was his and he was hers. It was all that mattered.

Moments went by that were only skin against skin, the sounds of breathing, but soon Jun's hands were on his shoulders, guiding him upright. But she followed him, putting her arms about his neck as his own encircled her waist, embracing him with her thighs as their lips reunited in slow, soft kisses.

"Jun, I love you. I have _always_ loved you. _I'm so sorry I_-"

"Shhh…" she whispered, silencing him with still another kiss.

"I love you too."

Yes, thought Ken, feeling as if he were glowing. She had loved him first. Now he had a second chance, and this time he would get it right.

0000000000

Reality was an intruder here, but there was no denying that clothes had to be put back on, that a mop and broom had to be applied to the mess on the floor. However, once it had been dealt with, was there any reason why he couldn't scoop Jun up in his arms and carry her up the stairs towards her bedroom? None at all.

She gave a small yelp of surprise.

"Ken, there are people coming at ten to clean the grease traps-"

"We can worry about it at ten. I'm not done here; in fact, I'm just getting started."

He carried her up the rest of stairs. She was making herself more difficult to carry by attempting to kiss him…

But she was also laughing, and it was a beautiful sound.

0000000000

Boyfriend –that was his new mission, his new purpose, and everything fell into place around it. There was no war, no chain of command, and no reason to be secretive.

"Damned well about time!" had been Jinpei's reaction (earning him a swat from Jun).

Ryu had chuckled and said "You know, Ken, I thought she'd given up on you a long time ago."

Well, she had given up on him, once, but he wasn't going to think about that anymore.

After Jun pointed out to him that he was spending more than half his nights at her place, it became clear that the thing to do was to move in with her, officially. So he did.

Their lives meshed so well. She had the Snack J and he had his aviation work, which somehow seemed more satisfying now. With Jun at the center of his life, everything seemed richer and more meaningful, even the daily routines of ordinary life. They still exercised a few mornings a week, and still ran together in the park. Sometimes he helped Jinpei with his homework in the evenings. Sometimes he hung out in the Snack J with Jun, Ryu, Jinpei and the regulars and staff (whom he was coming to know increasingly well), as everyone told stories and jokes, listened to the music or danced. He discovered that he could, in fact, dance.

But the nights were the pinnacle, when he and Jun were alone in their room. The passage of time did nothing to slake his thirst for the passion and pleasure he found in her arms, sharing their bodies and their love. Every morning, before he left for his airfield, he made it a point to kiss her goodbye, and sometimes the result was that he left much later than he'd originally intended. He just wanted to spend every possible minute with her, and why shouldn't he? The war was over, and as Jun had said, they were in a new world.

"Happy anniversary," he whispered in Jun's ear. She turned to smile at him, her skin aglow in the warm light. It had been exactly four months since the morning in the storeroom, and today he'd decided to fly her with him to a small uninhabited island that had a grassy field to land a plane, just in time to sit on the beach and watch the sun set into the sea. He'd brought some blankets, and had scavenged enough driftwood to make a fire.

He put his arms around her, losing himself in the feel of her skin and long, silky hair. For so long he'd lived a half-life, as the stresses and demands of leadership in a time of war -the need for discipline, the need for reason pure of emotion- had too often pushed all else to the fringes of his mind. But since that morning in the storeroom, he'd been on a journey of discovery, both of Jun and himself, as he opened himself up to intimacy and love. And so far it was all good…

Only with Jun could this have been possible. She'd been a Science Ninja; so much of his life she just _knew_, she'd been there too. He didn't have to try to put it into words. And he knew her; her intelligence, her empathy, her courage, and now, her heart and every inch of her beautiful body.

"I'm so happy, Ken. My life now, everything, it's… perfect."

He answered her with a kiss and she responded in kind. Clothing was shed and they settled into the blankets, limbs entwined, and their world became the touch of lips and fingers, the melding of their bodies and the sound of the waves.

0000000000

"I've just realized how much I miss my G-machine!" shouted Jun, laughing, as she sped out ahead of the rest of them, "How fast can these things go?"

Ryu had just expanded his marina's services to include jet ski rentals, and had invited them to come try it out.

"I had a feeling she'd enjoy this!" shouted Ryu to Ken, laughing, "Look at her go!"

"Show off!" yelled Jinpei, but he too was laughing.

But Ken wasn't laughing, or even smiling. He suddenly felt queasy, and nervous thoughts raced through his mind -she was going too fast, that couldn't be safe…

He cranked his own throttle and sped to catch up with her, bewildered by his anxiety. She was the Swan, for God's sake! She'd done things ten times as dangerous, on hundreds of occasions!

But that was before…

She was slashing a wide arc through the water, so he veered left to catch up to her. She saw him, she turned her head back to smile at him and wave…

Her jet ski abruptly slammed to a near halt, flipping, pitching Jun into the water.

His mind screamed.

He sped to her as fast as he could. The water's surface was dark. He couldn't see her! She wasn't coming up! Oh God, she was down there, somewhere under the water! _She was going to drown; she was going to drown…_

But he was still on his jet ski, frozen in terror, unable to breathe…

Juuuuuuun!

0000000000

"There you are!" called out Ryu, coming around the corner of the hospital corridor.

Ken, sitting on a bench, lifted his face from his hands.

"She's fine! She's awake and the doc says she's going to be fine. They've stitched up the laceration on her head, they've given her a CT scan, everything will be fine."

Slowly, his nightmare world receded, as Ryu's words sank in, but the crushing guilt remained.

"I failed her, Ryu," he whispered, "I didn't do a damned thing to save her out there. I just… _panicked_. If you hadn't been there…"

"Don't you dare take the blame for anything, Ken! I was the one who let us all go out without life jackets, or helmets, or anything! I'm the one who sails that harbor every day –I should have known there could be a submerged log in the water!"

He sat down beside Ken.

"I guess we forget sometimes that we're not actually… invincible," he whispered.

"But you _did_ something, immediately; you dove in the water, found her, brought her up…"

Would he ever be able to get those images out of his mind, of Jun, pale and limp, in Ryu's arms, with blood running down her face?

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Ken. You're in love. That's what love does, they say –it can turn your brain to mush."

Ken just stared at the floor, bleakly.

"Come on, we can go see her now. You'll see that she's okay and you'll feel better."

The first thing he saw, entering her room, was Jun lying on her back, in a hospital gown, draped with a white sheet, with an IV bag and tube at her bedside. The air smelled of disinfectant; there was a faint beep, beep, beep of a monitor.

He was breaking out in sweat, his vision fuzzy with bright light. He had to sit down,_ fast_. Thank God there was a chair…

"Ken?"

Jun was sitting up, sheet pushed away, getting out of the bed to come to him.

"I don't know why I've got this silly IV and electrode patch –I don't need them," she was muttering, stopping, "A little cut on my head, just twelve stitches, and they act like I'm at death's door. Must be a liability thing…"

"Might be a _concussion_ thing," said Ryu.

Ken stood up and went to her, pulling her into his arms and not wanting to ever let her go.

0000000000

The room was quiet and dim. She lay, unmoving, in the bed, covered in a white sheet. Faint light, coming from behind him, glistened on the tubes from her nose and hand, the IV bag hanging from the rack. A faint beep, beep, beep was the only sound.

"Mom?" She didn't answer.

"Mom?" Louder this time, but she still didn't wake up.

He was shaking, but unable to move –terrified and so utterly _alone_.

"_Mom_!" He was screaming…

"Ken! Ken, wake up! It's just a dream." Someone was shaking him; it was Jun, her face inches from his, eyes dark in the faint dawn light and wide with concern. Reality took shape around him again, as he sat up, as his racing heart began to slow and the nightmare receded. He was with Jun, in their bed, and she had her arms around him. His beautiful Jun… He put his hands around her waist, gently sliding his fingers along the soft skin at the small of her back. He just held her, not speaking.

"I wonder if it was the same bad dream you had before, the night after we went jet skiing."

"I don't know, I don't remember them," he lied. They weren't something he wanted to acknowledge with words, then or now; he wanted to forget them. These dreams would stop happening, just like they had, eventually, all those years ago. He continued to hold her close.

"Maybe what you need is some distraction," whispered Jun, kissing his mouth and sliding her hand behind the waistband of his shorts. In spite of the disquiet in his mind, his body responded to her lips' and fingers' deft touch. Soon, she was pushing him down onto his back, moving down his body, and taking him into her mouth.

So damned good… the warm, wet grip of her mouth, up and down, the teasing touches of her tongue. Thought was slipping from his mind, leaving only intense physical sensation, building, building…

No, not like this.

"Jun," he said, reaching for her hands to draw her forward. She understood, and soon she was naked, straddling him, and drawing her own satisfaction from him as he softly traced her breasts with his fingers, caressed her inner thighs, and gently circled a thumb about the very center of her pleasure.

Yes, now he could see her face, even as he was inside her, succumbing to bliss, watching her do the same.

"Don't close your eyes," he whispered, "Look at me. Stay with me…"

0000000000

The Snack J was filled with people; standing near the bar, he barely had elbow room. That wasn't unusual on a Thursday night, though. Everyone was looking at Jun, who was raised above the crowd by standing on what served as the DJ booth and live music stage. Smiling widely, she raised her hands in the air, clearly indicating that she wanted to speak, but the result was a din of clapping and cheering. She picked up a cordless microphone, and the room grew slightly quieter.

"I want to thank everyone here tonight: both my dedicated and hardworking staff, and everyone who comes to the Snack J, whether you're a regular or not, for helping to make my former little diner into this year's 'Best Club' according to the newest issue of Utoland Scene Magazine!"

More clapping and cheering ensued.

"So, drinks are half-price until midnight!"

Thunderous clapping and cheering followed this announcement, and the music came back on. Ken decided this would be a good time to put some distance between himself and the bar, and he began making his way towards Jun, who had stepped off the stage. As he got closer, she saw him and parted from the group she was talking with, moving his way.

"I really want to thank you, Ken," she whispered in his ear, "You, more than anyone."

"Me?" he laughed, putting his arm around her waist.

"Yes, you," she said, kissing the side of his neck, "But it can wait till we're alone." She ran a finger down his chest. "I have some mingling and greeting to do here."

He left her to it, and found a place to sit in one of the quieter corners. He watched Jun move through the crowd, laughing, bantering, shaking hands, hugging people -she seemed to know everyone and everyone knew her. She was so clearly in her element, and she had such poise and confidence. He settled more deeply into his chair, smiling to himself. He was finally starting to really feel relaxed again; he'd actually slept well every night for the past two weeks.

A bit of nearby conversation caught his ear.

"-don't need bouncers here!" That was Matt, the head bartender.

"There was this one night, five guys came in here -mean dudes- looking to make trouble, start fights. Jun went right up to the biggest one and told them all to leave. Well, he said something _seriously_ rude to her and made like he was going to shove her, and before we knew it, she had all five of them in a world of hurt! There was nothing for me and Rob to do but hold the door open as they staggered out!"

Ken found himself chuckling quietly. If anyone could take care of herself, it was Jun. Rationally, there was no basis for the anxiety he'd been feeling. He was _not_ going to let himself dwell on that anymore. He closed his eyes, telling himself everything was going to be just fine.

0000000000

"So _here_ you are." Ken was standing in an upstairs hallway of Dr. Nambu's house, peering into the bedroom that had once been Jun's.

"No, so here _you_ are," said Jun, running over to embrace him as he came in and shut the door. "Did you just arrive?"

"Not quite. It took me a little while to find you."

"I couldn't resist visiting my old room," said Jun, "Here, I feel like I'm no more than fifteen."

He looked around curiously. It wasn't a room _he'd _ever spent much time in.

"We haven't been in this house in a long time," he said, "Whenever we see Dr. Nambu these days, it's always in the city."

"Maybe that's why he invited us all out here for dinner tonight."

"That could be, but he sounded-"

"Are they all playing _croquet_?" Jun had gone over to the window, and now she was looking outside.

"Yes, it's Jinpei's idea. I got out of it by offering to go find you," said Ken, walking up behind Jun. Severe weather had grounded him overnight at an airport five hundred miles away, and he hadn't seen Jun since their goodbye kiss the previous morning. It seemed like an eternity. She was wearing her hair up, and he couldn't resist kissing the nape of her neck while sliding his hands over her breasts, down the sides of her waist and hips.

Leaning forward on the windowsill, she curved her back slightly, pressing herself against his thighs.

"We can find another way to amuse ourselves."

He had to smile, and he had to keep touching her. Reaching around her, he put his hand under the skirt of her dress, and began stroking the silky fabric of her panties, between her thighs. She gave a low moan and writhed against him again, and he was almost ashamed of how quickly he was stiffening with demanding arousal, he who had always prided himself on his self-discipline. They were in Dr. Nambu's house, for God's sake, and the others were just outside on the lawn below…

But Jun was bending further forward, her face close to the windowsill, lifting the skirt of her dress over the small of her arched back, sliding her panties down. The sight of her smooth, round cheeks and, just below, her most intimate female flesh sent fire through his body, leaving no thought except to answer her body's siren call; it didn't matter where he was. He dropped to his knees behind her, a hand on each of her thighs, and began to gently probe her tender folds with his tongue, making her gasp softly. She was delicious…

Soon, her legs were trembling, her hips moving, rhythmically.

"Ken, _please_…"

Sweet words to his ears; he stood up, rapidly dealing with his own clothing, gripping her hips.

"Do you know how often I used to lie on my bed in this room?" she whispered, turning her head as he slid deeply inside her, as their bodies began the dance of give and take, "Imagining that you were here with me."

"_What, like this_?" he managed to ask, sinking into sensual reverie, watching her body move with his.

"No, no…" There was a hint of laughter, even as she moaned with pleasure. "Just kissing, mostly… I didn't know all that much… just that I loved you."

0000000000

"Where were you?" demanded Jinpei, as Ken and Jun came down the stairs into the foyer. "You two missed the whole game!"

"We were just looking around," said Jun, "Reminiscing."

"Sounds boring," said Jinpei, making his way to the dining room behind Dr. Nambu.

"Reminiscing," muttered Ryu, "Is that what we call it now?"

0000000000

He waited until after dessert.

"There is a reason why I asked you here for dinner tonight, a reason other than that I enjoy seeing all of you."

Dr. Nambu, sitting at the head of the table, paused but all eyes were now fixed on him.

"After you defeated Galactor at Karakoram, and Leader X fled Earth, I felt that you had all sacrificed so much… too much." Dr. Nambu looked around the table, at each of them. "I wanted you to have a chance to enjoy the normal lives that young people are supposed to have."

With these words, Ken felt as if a prickle of electricity were flowing over him. Something must have changed…

He glanced quickly at Jun. Her face was calm but her hands, in her lap, were clutched together.

"When I deactivated you, I did it with full assurances from the UN that measures would be taken to create new forces able to combat any future threats. In my life, I have often seen that when one evil organization falls, another rises in its stead, but I did not want any of you to have to bear, yet again, the heavy responsibility of defeating it. I did authorize the teams of ISO scientists who had been responsible for your ship and your equipment, to research innovations and upgrades, but I swear that I never expected that you-"

"Doctor, are you reactivating us?"

Around the table, no one moved or spoke. Dr. Nambu closed his eyes for a moment. So did Jun.

"Yes, Ken, I have to ask you all to begin training again, at least on a part time basis, with a new ship, vehicles and weapons. It has become painfully clear to me that the UN has no intention of creating new forces; they are now convinced that they are unnecessary, that no threat like Galactor will ever be seen again. I wish I could share their opinion, but instead all I see is that their blind optimism has left the entire Earth vulnerable and I cannot shake the feeling that history is repeating itself. Just recently, a cruise ship was destroyed in a manner that seems all too familiar. All those years ago, I warned them about the growing threat of Galactor but they wouldn't support me then, and I ended up having to train you, _children_, to be Science Ninjas. Now, I have to ask you to be prepared to fight again."

Dr. Nambu looked truly distraught.

"We'll do it, Doctor!"

Jun was staring at him now, as were Ryu and Jinpei, but Jun turned to Dr. Nambu.

"Doctor, you have to give us a better idea of what kind of time commitment you want from us, and what it's all going to entail. Things have changed; we have full time businesses to run, and Jinpei's in school, and-"

_What_ was she saying?

"Jun, he's asking us to be ready to defend billions of civilians and the planet's resources, because we're the _only ones_ who can do it! It's our _duty_, the duty we _all_ accepted."

She was resting her head now on her clenched hands, eyes closed.

"I know that, Ken, of course I know that," she said in a tight voice. "I'm just saying… things have changed, and it's going to be different this time, and… harder."

"And please know, all of you," said Doctor Nambu, "that I know how much I'm asking from you, how much the world, in its ignorance, is asking from you. If there were any other way…"

"I'm in," said Ryu. "Come on, Jun. We just have to train, what, a few days a week?" He looked to Dr. Nambu, who nodded in confirmation. "That won't be so bad. I can promote one of my marina staff to assistant manager and let them run the place when I'm not there. You could do the same with Matt, your bartender. We'll have to give them big raises and it'll eat into our profits, but…"

"What about Jinpei? Is he supposed to just skip school?"

Dr. Nambu looked sadly at Jinpei. "I'm sorry Jinpei, but you will probably have to go back to being home-schooled."

Ken had to give Jinpei credit for toughness. He swallowed once, but then looked at Jun.

"It'll be okay, Sis. I won't miss the place, really. They keep making me read poetry."

But Jun wasn't looking at Jinpei, she was looking at him. What was it that he was seeing in her eyes?

"As Jinpei is older now, I can find him highly qualified tutors at the ISO," said Dr. Nambu, "just as I once did for the three of you."

"The four of us," whispered Jun.

Her words were like falling leaves in a still forest.

The empty chair, at a table for six…

He could still remember the last time they had flown the God Phoenix, after Karakoram, and how he'd stared unwaveringly at the view screen the entire time, so he wouldn't have to see the empty chair.

"I know that none of you want to think about this," said Dr. Nambu quietly, after a long silence, "and it doesn't have to happen immediately, but someone new will have to be found to replace Joe on the-"

"We will _not_ replace Joe!" snapped Jun. Everyone turned to her, shocked.

"Jun, I know-"

"_No one can ever fill Joe's place_! It's an insult even to think about it! We'll stay a team of four! Ken..." Jun turned to him, with eyes both livid and teary.

He felt sick. No, she had to stop this.

"Jun, no one _wants_ to replace Joe, but this isn't about what we _want_! It's about what will make the team the best fighting force that it can be." This was about war, and combat effectiveness; emotions had no place here -surely Jun knew that? Or was she still-

"When we thought you were dead, we didn't replace you!"

_Actually, Jun, you did, didn't you? _These words, in his head, nearly flew out of his mouth –where the hell did they come from? This whole discussion, this whole evening, was turning surreal. He needed to think rationally. He closed his eyes, willing himself to breathe more calmly.

_You're Gatchaman. Act like it_.

"Everyone," said Dr. Nambu, looking at Jun, "I know what a painful issue this is; I feel it too… every day."

He looked to Ken.

"Again, it doesn't have to be decided today."

"I agree," said Ken, "What we decide today is when and where our first training session will take place. The sooner we start, the better, and I, for one, really want to see what innovations and upgrades your people have come up with, Doctor."

Jun was staring at him, searchingly. _What was it that he was seeing in her eyes?_ Surely not… fear?

"Don't worry, Jun. You've stayed in top shape this whole time, and I'm sure your Swan skills will all come back quickly."

"It is possible," added Dr. Nambu, "that my fears are groundless, and that you won't face any active duty. I truly hope that is the case."

"So do I," said Jun softly, but now she was staring at the empty chair.

0000000000

He had arrived at the ISO facility hours early. He had scheduled two air deliveries for that morning, at the crack of dawn so he wouldn't be late for the first training session, but he'd decided at the last minute that he could just as easily complete them tomorrow without clients getting too angry. As a result, the others hadn't arrived yet but Dr. Nambu had already given him his bracelet, and his new civvies.

He'd initially planned to wait for Jun, Ryu and Jinpei, and had tried to fill the time by doing katas in a training room, but he couldn't do it. It was _calling_ him; he just had to see it again, feel it again, _now_.

He stood before the mirrored wall, and raised his arm.

"Bird go!"

The flash of light, and the feeling of his body being enveloped in… power. He hadn't realized how much he missed this; he had truly missed this…

And there he was, reflected in the mirrors.

"Gatchaman," he whispered. He felt it; he felt stronger, faster, smarter. The clarity, the decisiveness, the confidence… it was all still there.

The pure white, with touches of blue, and the flash of red from beneath the wings, he could still remember the first time he'd seen it.

The day after the funeral…

He'd woken up from a bad dream and couldn't fall asleep again, so he'd wandered the long hallways and rooms of Dr. Nambu's house, eventually finding his way to the only room where the lights were still on –Dr. Nambu's office. Dr. Nambu had been studying something on his computer screen so intently that he hadn't heard Ken come up behind him.

On the screen had been a rotating three-dimensional image of a faceless man with a visored helmet, cape, boots and gloves, in white, blue and red. Scientific formulas and technical data had been streaming, in panels, alongside the man, but Ken had hardly noticed that. Dr. Nambu had typed something, and the man had leaped and soared down from on high, gliding as his cape stiffened into wings. He had landed in a crouch on a floor, and then had stood and leaped up, using the cape for added lift, flipping in the air and landing on a platform at a height that was easily three times the length of the man's body.

"Who's he?" he'd asked.

A very startled Dr. Nambu had turned around quickly, and had looked at him for a moment, but had then beckoned for Ken to sit with him. Ken had known he was small for his age, but he'd also known that eleven year olds were really too old to sit on laps, but Joe had been asleep in his room so he wouldn't know, and Dr. Nambu had looked sad too, had looked like he understood…

"This is a simulation of a very special uniform I'm developing at the ISO. If it all goes well, I think that the man who wears this uniform will be able to do some quite amazing things, and be nearly invincible."

Ken, now with a better view, had stared at the screen, fascinated, though he hadn't been entirely certain what 'invincible' meant.

"What's his name?"

"Well, he doesn't have a name-"

"Call him Gatchaman."

"Gatchaman? Where did you come up with… Well, actually that's a good name, Ken. We could use that, if you like."

Ken had smiled.

"Is he a pilot, like my Dad?"

"He could be… You know, Ken, before long, I'm going to need someone to wear the uniform during some simple tests of the activation process, and then maybe just moving around, doing some jumps and martial arts moves. You could help me with that."

"I'm not too small?"

"No, this uniform, the Gatchaman uniform, should adjust exactly to your size."

Ken had smiled again. On the screen, Gatchaman had been soaring again, just like an eagle. He would wear it, he had thought, and he would be invincible too -too invincible to have bad dreams or to cry. But…

"What about Joe? He'll be mad if he doesn't get to help too."

"Joe can help; I think I can make a uniform for him too. In fact, I can do better tests if there's two of you."

"But only I get to be Gatchaman."

"Of course, only you."

Still looking at his reflection, Ken reached for his birdrang. Wait, this wasn't his birdrang; it was something more… saucer shaped. Was this a better shape? He picked it up and threw it, albeit tentatively. It whipped around the room and came back to him, but it didn't move the same and its direction was off. He had to step quickly to one side to catch it again. Hmmm, maybe if he threw it more like _this_… Oh yes, that was much better. He smiled.

"I see you just couldn't wait to get started."

Jun was standing in the doorway –how long had she been there?

"Hurry up and change, Jun! And where are Ryu and Jinpei?"

0000000000

He was nearly there; he'd done this dozens of times now, but the thrill had yet to wear off. He drove his car up to the completely inconspicuous looking garage at the harbor's edge, punched in the code, and drove his car in as the door opened. The door closed behind him and then he and his car were descending down, down to the secret underwater station where the sub waited to take him to G-Town, the new secret underwater base.

He went there as often as he possibly could. His air delivery business was suffering, but somehow he couldn't work up too much concern about that; this was just so much more important. He stayed there so long some days that they'd assigned him quarters so he could sleep there overnight. He couldn't shirk this; it was his duty to know the new God Phoenix, his own jet, and everyone else's vehicles, inside and out. That was what a leader had to do. Plus, the engineers were still making final modifications and improvements and they needed to talk to someone with experience, who knew what really worked "in the field" and not just in theory.

Still, he was going to have to get the others to come out there more often too, especially Jun –there was no denying that they just weren't spending as much time together lately and-

The sub was ready. He boarded, and settled himself into the seat as the sub moved off through the water, which darkened as they went deeper. He could see a faint reflection of his face, and the number one on his shirt, in the window but his thoughts turned to Jun's face. He remembered then the way she'd looked at him that morning as he'd left, grabbing a coffee to go. Now that he thought about it, she had looked… sad? Why sad?

And then it hit him –for the first time, he had completely forgotten to kiss her goodbye.

_Damn._

0000000000

"Do you really have to go back to Utoland tonight, Jun?"

"Well…"

"Because I need to meet with some of the engineers really early tomorrow, so I'll have to stay here, but you could stay too, with me."

"Here?" said Jun, glancing around his quarters unenthusiastically.

Ken had to admit she had a point. G-Town may have been an enormous, state-of-the-art science facility, but clearly not much of the budget had been allocated to accommodations, or at least not yet. His quarters' walls and floor were bare, the only lights were harsh and fluorescent, and the bed was just a cot, barely three feet wide.

Jun, Ryu, Jinpei and he had been at G-Town all day, training. The last sub back to Utoland was leaving soon, but he wanted badly, he realized, for her to stay.

"I know I've been busy and… distracted lately, Jun, but I want to spend time with you, just the two of us..." He moved closer to her, put his arms around her and began nuzzling her neck and hair. He felt her body relaxing into his, her arms coming up to embrace him.

"I've been missing you too lately," she whispered, "I'll stay, though how we'll get any real sleep in that bed-"

"We can get quarters for you too, but later; right now, sleeping isn't quite what I have in mind," he replied, kissing her neck and slipping his hands under her shirt. His beautiful Jun…

0000000000

Later, he did find her some vacant quarters. But he couldn't leave her for the night without holding her one last time.

"Will I always be sleeping alone here, Ken? This place… it depresses me." He felt her body tensing, and she pulled back slightly to see his face.

"I can submit a requisition for a bigger cot."

She still looked worried.

"Look, as soon as our new training's complete, we won't have to stay overnight here much at all. Anyway, I'll be getting up in just five hours for that meeting. Think of this as 'just like old times.' Don't you ever miss the old quarters at the Crescent Base?"

"I try never to think about them."

"Oh." Well, that made sense; they'd been destroyed by Galactor…

Her eyes moved over his face, searching for… what?

"Spending so much time here changes you, Ken. You probably don't even realize, but you become more… aloof, and detached…"

"I'm still the same, Jun. I admit I've been preoccupied. I don't _want_ to spend so much time away from you, away from our home, but I have a duty and responsibility, as leader, to be the best I possibly can be, and-"

"I know, Ken, I know." She closed her eyes and rested her head against his shoulder.

"I love you, Jun."

"I love you too."

0000000000

It was a beautiful day to fly. The sea could not have looked more blue. He was fully proficient now in all the ways of his new Eagle Sharp jet, in terms of how it maneuvered in flight, its technical systems and its weapons capabilities. Today, he was just having fun –not that he would have admitted that. Officially, this was a drill. He did some inverted snap rolls, and then he banked and went into a dive. Now he could see Jun and Ryu, each in their vehicles on the ground, while Jinpei flew low along the coast. He was satisfied now with everyone's performance in the new God Phoenix and in their new vehicles. He smiled, thinking of Ryu, so pleased to finally have a vehicle of his own, a tank –very fitting, Ken thought.

But then his thoughts turned to the vehicle that no one was using, that was still sitting in the R&D sector of G-Town. It was so blatantly a race car that Ken had stared in dismay when he'd first seen it. Ryu and Jinpei had grudgingly come around and accepted the idea of a new recruit training with them, with the insistence that the new member never be called the Condor or in any way resemble him. Jun had frowned, eyes narrowed, the first time she saw the car, but she hadn't said a word on the subject since the dinner at Dr. Nambu's house. Fortunately, since the dinner, Dr. Nambu had never spoken on the matter other than to sigh and mutter something about birdstyle technology when Ken had, weeks later, shared the decision of his teammates. He must have dropped the idea of recruiting a new member. As much as his mind told him that the team could benefit from having a fifth person, Ken was actually relieved. It just stirred up too many emotions.

As things stood right now, as soon as they got back to G-Town, he would file an official report that the Science Ninja Team was now fully prepared for active duty, should some future situation require them. That would ease Dr. Nambu's fears, and then he could start spending more time in Utoland again, spending more time with Jun again. Dr. Nambu had been visiting the UN headquarters recently, but he was supposed to be returning to G-Town today.

Just then, his bracelet beeped. It was Dr. Nambu.

"Gatchaman, assemble the team at G-Town, immediately."

0000000000

Ken left the bridge of the God Phoenix, on the feeble excuse that he wanted to "check on a few things." Really, he wanted to be alone to get his thoughts in order. His mind was still reeling…

Active duty -they were on active duty again, and heading out on a mission to some place called Easton Island. Dr. Nambu had returned from the UN headquarters, and was now convinced that the cruise ship supposedly hit by a meteor all those months ago had actually been hit by Leader X, returning to Earth. Important military generals and scientists were now disappearing all over the world. Ken had to admit, this had Galactor's stamp all over it. And now two hundred people had gone missing at Easton Island.

Galactor again. _Damn it_!

But, they'd crushed Galactor once before, and they would do it again –he'd see to that, no matter what he had to do to accomplish it!

But, so much for his hopes of being able to spend more time in Utoland with Jun. He could only hope that this would be a situation that could be nipped in the bud, quickly.

Jun… He could still see the look of suppressed horror and repulsion on her face when Dr. Nambu had introduced Getz, the new member of the team. Oh sure, he was "the Hawk," not the Condor, but Dr. Nambu had actually put him in the G-2 position and given him a birdstyle identical to Joe's! No matter how many times Dr. Nambu had told him how difficult it was to create a new, stable birdstyle template, or how it was a good idea to give the new, less experienced member the advantage of being perceived by the enemy as the infamous Condor, he still had trouble accepting it. And the fact that the guy was an asshole, rude and arrogant, sure didn't help. Within minutes, he had them all despising him.

But later it was the anguished way Jun had been staring at the back of Getz's head, on the bridge, when she thought no one was looking -the stare of someone seeing what they desperately desired, while knowing it wasn't real…

That, Ken had to admit to himself, was what had really driven him from the bridge to wander the back corridors of the God Phoenix. He stopped and leaned against a wall, willing himself to take slow, deep breaths, to bring his reason to the fore. He was _Gatchaman_; he had to get a grip. Yes, he had just had a lot thrown at him, very quickly, but he needed to stay focused. Surely he was reading too much into Jun's expression. Of course she missed Joe;_ he_ missed Joe. But this wasn't the time or the place to give into emotions. They were going to be at Easton Island soon. He began to walk back to the bridge.

0000000000

Ken ran down the temple corridor in pursuit of Getz. Getz had revealed himself as a Galactor agent, and he'd led them into a trap that should have killed the whole team, in an ancient temple on Easton Island. A mechanical monster that fired laser beams had been about to incinerate them, and he'd been helpless, but instead of killing them all, the monster had exploded. Some unknown person had planted a bomb inside it.

But he couldn't worry about that now; he had to catch Getz! That bastard knew too much about the team; he could _not_ be allowed to escape!

0000000000

Ken was moving again down a temple corridor, but not in pursuit of Getz. Getz was dead. They'd caught up to him just in time to see him collapse on the floor and die, with a feather shuriken sticking out of his neck. He could hardly accept what he'd seen. Other than them, the only person who'd used feather shuriken had been… Joe; he used them far more than anyone else on the team. Ken had seen countless Galactor goons fall, pierced with his feather shuriken, but here and now, it was a disturbingly eerie sight.

Even as he went, following the trail of footprints that led away from Getz's body with the others close behind him, his mind was rationalizing: killing with feather shuriken might have been Joe's specialty, but surely there were more people in the world than just the Science Ninjas who were able to do it, and he could well believe that there were more people than just the Science Ninjas who wanted to kill Getz, or take revenge on Galactor.

Galactor…

Who was that bizarre woman, dressed like a clown, who had given the orders to the brigade of Galactor goons, and had taunted them as they faced the monster's laser attack? Just as soon as they caught up to and identified their mysterious benefactor, they would have to go about finding that woman. It was possible that Galactor was only in the earliest stages of regrouping and regaining its former strength; it was possible that they could crush Galactor's rebirth here and today.

He skidded to a halt in shock. There had been a shadow on the wall ahead, briefly –and it had looked so much like Joe! The others also stopped and stared.

No, his mind told him, Joe is dead. Joe is dead. They had all accepted that.

Or had they? It was Jun who first cried out "Joe!" It was Jun who was the first to run forward.

She called out Joe's name again, as she ran. Jinpei and Ryu followed her, but Ken's mind was awhirl and he couldn't seem to get his legs to move.

But he made his legs work again, and caught up to the others, who had reached a dead end with no one in sight.

"We lost him, but he must be somewhere around here!" said Jun, sounding frantic.

She desperately wanted to believe…

"Forget about Joe, Jun. Joe is gone."

She gasped slightly, and for a brief instant, looked at him as if he'd struck her, but then her eyes showed only comprehension, before she dropped them down.

"I understand," she said.

Why did he have the feeling that what she was understanding was more than simply that Joe must be dead?

0000000000

This day kept getting worse and worse. They'd emerged from the temple to find themselves staring at an enormous and complex Galactor base hidden in the center of the island. The time, manpower and resources it must have taken to construct it…

Was it too late to nip Galactor in the bud? Were they looking at another long, hard war of attrition? He should have been more vigilant! All those months he'd been just… enjoying himself, while Galactor had been rebuilding.

He had lapsed in his duty.

Now he was in his Eagle Sharp jet. He'd ordered everyone to their personal vehicles. He was nervous about splitting up; they were stronger together, but their only hope of attacking a base this size was to hit it at multiple locations, simultaneously. At least his new jet could fire missiles, and not merely use a laser cannon.

Alone now in his jet, his thoughts kept turning to Jun, the way she'd run down the corridor, calling out Joe's name…

Stop this, he berated himself. Focus on the mission! Think!

He fired a missile at a section of the base, and was relieved to see a damaging explosion. But then a towering peak of rock opened up, revealing the biggest missile that Ken had ever seen.

Shit! A missile that size, Galactor could be aiming it anywhere, and it would surely do horrific damage, kill thousands –maybe millions!

They had to stop that missile from launching, and they probably only had sixty seconds to do it. He fired another one of his missiles at it.

God damn it, it didn't even scratch the fucking thing! _This was not good. _Now Galactor was retaliating with powerful laser cannons, firing all over the place.

Then he saw it, a long strip of arched glass, in the ground. A section of the base was underground –could it be the control center for the entire base, for the missile launching? He prayed it was, and flew his jet through one end of the glass and out the other.

Yes, there was definitely something of significance down there. He even thought he'd caught a glimpse of that clown-woman. He banked and turned his jet, circling back towards the strip of glass, which now had two large holes smashed in it. This gave him a moment to think, to determine the best way to destroy it. Surely if they all hit it, together…

He raised his bracelet to his mouth, ordering them all to attack the control room –fast! There was no time to lose!

He was banking his jet, lining up for another approach to the control room. He could see Jinpei's helico in the air, and Ryu's tank on the ground. But he couldn't see Jun -where was Jun?

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of her on the ground, on a path through some rocky outcrops. She was okay. But she and the others were all still too far from the control room and time was running out –that missile could launch any second now!

That very instant, a laser cannon fired a direct hit on Jun. There was an explosion, and smoke, and he saw her motorcycle hurled high into the air. But he couldn't see anything else –the rocks, and smoke, were in the way.

His mind screamed. Jun had to be hurt, even… He had to go to her, he had to save her!

He would turn his jet and go back. But his arms wouldn't move; his mind was at war with itself. His reason was telling him that he was the only one who could possibly stop Galactor's missile now, that it was his duty to put the safety of millions ahead of the safety of a teammate.

_But it was Jun_, screamed the rest of mind! He was frozen.

Heavily armored shielding was descending now, down over the strip of window in the ceiling of Galactor's control room. He had mere seconds to act, before it was too late to destroy the control room and stop the missile's launch.

He had to think, he had to think! But Jun… He couldn't think! His arms still wouldn't move, and he was flying into the control room, even as the shielding fully closed behind him.

It was one of those moments when time seemed to slow to a near standstill. A small part of his mind was telling him that he should never have flown inside, and that he should have fired a missile into the control room, while the shielding was still descending, and then pulled up and flown clear away, but it had been drowned out by the rest of his mind, that could only scream for Jun.

He'd failed as a leader and as a man. He couldn't stop Galactor's missile, he couldn't protect Jun…

All this flooded his mind, in the mere seconds it took for his jet to fly across the control room.

But, he _could_ still destroy the control room, and stop the missile! He fired one of his own missiles.

Of course, firing a missile inside a space this size, with the ceiling now shielded would probably destroy both the control room and him.

Somehow that didn't matter now. Everything exploded in flames around him, and he was spinning, and then crashing, and pain was ripping through his body…

He could hear voices, faintly, calling him.

Was that Joe's voice?

A face, blurred by the heat of the flames, looking at him, calling to him, but he couldn't seem to move, there was too much pain…

Joe?

0000000000

It hadn't been Joe, in the shadow on the wall or at the wreck of his jet; it had been a tall man named Rafael, with a bird of prey on his shoulder. He was an ex-Galactor scientist now seeking to thwart the organization.

And Jun… Jun had been just fine. She had some bruises from falling off her motorcycle when it had been hit with the laser, but she was otherwise unscathed.

He was in the medical ward at G-Town, under Dr. Nambu's orders to lie down and rest, but sleep was out of the question even though no one was here now and it was quiet. They had managed to destroy Galactor's base and missile, but they had never found the two hundred missing people, and he had destroyed his Eagle Sharp jet. The very first mission, and he'd destroyed it.

He almost felt sick with shame. He had never behaved so stupidly, and just when he needed to be the most effective commander that he could possibly be...

It would take weeks to build a new jet and the whole time, Galactor would be growing stronger. They were in for another long war. _It was all happening again_.

He heard a door open, and someone was coming in. It was Jun.

"I know we're supposed to be leaving you alone to rest, but I really needed to see you, Ken."

She came over to the bed. Her eyes were suspiciously red –had she been crying?

"I've been doing some thinking. If Galactor is really back, and if we're truly in for another war, then I know what that entails. What I don't know is what it will mean for us. Even before today, you haven't been acting… like yourself. But today-"

Oh, he could_ not _do this now, not now.

"You're imagining things, Jun. _I'm fine_."

"Fine? I didn't want to say anything in front of the others, but I have to ask you, Ken, what the hell did you think you were doing today? I'm the one who wrote the demolition analysis for your jet's missiles, and I know that you read it! You nearly got yourself killed with your silly stunt today!"

"Jun, I thought-"

"What? Thought you were immortal? Damn it, Ken, losing Joe just about destroyed me, but at least he died enabling us to defeat Leader X! I don't want to lose you now too, and sure as hell not over a stupid mistake that you should never have made!"

Anger boiled up from somewhere within. He yanked himself from the bed, and stood up.

"Alright, I was stupid –are you satisfied? I was stupid!"

He didn't wait for an answer; he couldn't. He had to hurl himself towards the doors, away from Jun, before the next words burst from his mouth…

_And it's all your fault!_

0000000000

"You coward, you're not worthy of the name Gatchaman. I'm a real man, not a spineless little wimp like you."

"No, no," he pleaded.

"Why are you so disturbed over losing a teammate? I've had to watch many of my friends and subordinates die. Sometimes there's no other way. You can't protect the Earth from Galactor without getting your hands dirty."

"I'm sorry, Dad, I'll do better! I can be better! Don't leave me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"Ken, wake up, wake up! You're dreaming."

His eyes flew open. It was Jun, kneeling at the side of his cot, in his quarters. How long had she been in here?

He felt sick. She tried to put her arms around him but he shrugged her off, and stood up hastily.

"Ken, are you okay? _Talk to me_."

He headed for his bathroom, shutting the door behind him.

He leaned on the sink, splashed some water on his face, and stared at himself in the mirror, waiting for the nausea to diminish. How was he going to keep himself from blowing more missions? Jun, she was so close to him now; she was too close, too close to… everything. How was he going to keep himself from panicking, from going to pieces, every time he thought she was in danger? The safety of the entire world was at stake; he could not afford to fuck things up!

How the hell had Joe done it? When Joe and Jun had been together, Joe had, if anything, been even more effective on the team, not less.

No wonder she'd called out so yearningly for Joe today…

He would have to learn to control the fear, and the panic –he was the master of self-control, or at least he had been once. He could be that way again…

Couldn't he?

He heard a door shutting. Jun had left his quarters. Maybe that was just as well, he thought, bleakly.

0000000000

He had a new jet in three weeks though he was certain that, by then, the engineers couldn't stand the sight of him. He'd been haunting G-Town's construction area nearly every day, anxious to do anything to help speed their work, worrying the whole time about what Galactor could be doing in the meantime.

Jun had come out from Utoland several times to see him. He felt guilty that he hadn't been better company, but he'd been on edge all the time, anxious to get back out there and fight Galactor. And now he felt uneasy around her. She hadn't confronted him about his behavior the night after Easton Island, but it had seemed as though every time he glanced her way, he'd found her staring at him, as if trying to draw answers from him with her eyes.

He didn't have answers for her. Not yet…

But his new jet had been finished this morning –just in time, as it turned out. Now they were flying over the Cascard Desert, in Ameris. An anonymous tape recording sent to Dr. Nambu had warned of a Galactor presence there, and they were investigating its validity.

Without warning, Pilma the robot autopilot, announced an incoming distress call, from a train carrying a shipment of enriched uranium across the desert. Seconds later, Dr. Nambu's face appeared on the screen, telling them that Galactor had just appeared in the nearby city of San Frangeles, and had attacked and pillaged nuclear energy facilities there, likely with the intention of building a new base.

He would go and deal with the attack that might still be in progress, on the train in the desert. He told the others to fly to San Frangeles and look for signs of a new Galactor base. He left the bridge, heading for his jet. But now someone was following him, running to catch up to him. He turned around; it was Jun.

"Jun, when you reach San Frangeles, just search for Galactor. If you find anything, don't act until I'm there with you."

"I didn't want to question your orders in front of Ryu and Jinpei, but they can search San Frangeles; I'm coming with you."

"No way, Jun! I'm quite able to do this without you."

"I'm coming with you!"

"Your motorcycle is too slow; you'll never get there in time."

"I can ride in the back of your jet –and don't tell me I can't! I've seen the design specs, and I'll fit."

"No. Go back to the bridge."

"Ken, you don't know how many Galactor soldiers are attacking that train, or what mecha or weapons they might have. Clearly this is an infiltration scenario that calls for two of us."

No, after what had happened at Easton Island, the _last_ thing he needed was Jun with him. What if something happened to her again? What if he froze or panicked _again_?

"You always used to take Joe with you on missions like this. It'll be my job now."

She just had to keep thinking about Joe…

"Go back to the bridge, G-3. _That is an order_."

She flinched at his use of her rank instead of her name but she didn't turn away; she just stared at him, her eyes filled with… pain.

"It's me, isn't it? Don't try to pretend it's a tactical decision. You don't have to do this alone; you just don't want to do it with me."

He didn't answer her; he couldn't answer her. If only she would just stop _looking_ at him, maybe then he could come up with a plausible rationale for why this needed to be a one person infiltration.

"We're supposed to be a team, Ken! You don't get to run off alone so you can play the big hero –that's how we get killed! You know as well as I do that the message on that tape recording could be part of a Galactor trap!"

"I don't have time for this." He turned his back on her and walked away as fast as he could without actually running. This time, though, she didn't follow him.

0000000000

Working alone, his attack on the Galactor forces that had stolen the uranium from the train went flawlessly. He'd been in top form, single-handedly taking down the enemy in mass numbers, destroying their mecha's control room and creating an electric discharge that had killed all their soldiers in the suits that had protected them from radiation.

But after that, he had rejoined the others at San Frangeles, at the underground Galactor base that they'd managed to discover after Jinpei had received directions over the radio from a voice he'd thought was Ken's. Now, everything had gone wrong. Now, they were all trapped together, confined by a cage of high-current force field barriers, and the entire base was set to explode in less than three minutes. And he had been the one who'd rigged it to explode!

And the new Galactor commander, that freakish clown, hadn't even tried to disable the explosive charge he'd set. She was willing to destroy this entire base, if it would also destroy them.

He'd been so damned stupid. After he'd set the explosive charge, he should have anticipated this possibility; _he knew better_! He should have ordered them all to split up and escape the base in different directions. Now, they'd all been trapped together, and they were all going to die together.

He had wanted to stay close to Jun, to protect her. He had to admit the harsh truth to himself, as they stood there waiting to die; that was really why he hadn't ordered them all to disperse.

Now Jun was desperate to believe that Joe had been the one who had sent the tape to Dr. Nambu, who had pretended to be Ken over Jinpei's radio, and that Joe would rescue them.

_Damn it_! The dead stayed dead! No matter how achingly you yearned to have them back, they stayed dead. His life had sure as hell taught him that lesson!

He had failed, again. Joe wasn't going to rescue them. They were all going to die.

Unless… maybe if they tried the new, more powerful version of the tornado fighter. It wasn't anything like the old spinning pyramid version, though. It required them to stand linked in a circle and channel sheer energy through their bodies and up into the air. They'd never practiced it for more than a second or two; with only four people, its energy could easily kill any one of them. If it came to that, though, he hoped it would be himself; if Jun, Ryu and Jinpei survived, that would at least partly redeem his failure. He would try to channel more of the tornado fighter's energy through his own body.

0000000000

He was conscious. He was in _pain_.

"Are you awake?"

Dr. Nambu's face loomed before him.

He sat up quickly, nearly gasping from the pain that caused. There were bandages on his arm and, from the feel of it, his head too. But there was Jun, standing before him in the G-Town medical ward, and she was okay. So were the others. Miraculously, they'd all survived. The tornado fighter had succeeded.

Dr. Nambu told them that he had analyzed the voice on the tape. At his words, Jun's face lit up with hope. In that instant, Ken realized that he too was allowing himself to hope that it might be Joe's.

But then came Dr. Nambu's results. It hadn't been Joe's voice at all. It had been artificially generated.

He'd actually been desperate enough though, in that instant, to hope for the impossible. He got himself out of the bed, carefully. Jun started to move towards him but he abruptly walked away, over to the undersea window. He could see his face and the number one on his shirt, faintly reflected in the glass. There was indeed a bandage around his head.

Two missions so far, and each time he'd made irrational, emotional decisions. The first had landed him in the medical ward and destroyed his jet; the second had landed him in the medical ward again and had nearly killed them all.

And it was because of Jun, because he was so helplessly and obsessively in love with Jun.

Would he have to drive her away, recreate the distance and rebuild the barriers he'd maintained against her for so many years? Was that the only way that he could again be the leader that the world needed him to be? Oh, please, no… no. He leaned against the window. He felt like he was going to puke. He felt like he was going to cry…

_No_. He stared fixedly at his face in the glass, jaw clenched. He forced himself to breathe calmly; Jun and the others were standing right behind him. He willed his mind to clear, willed himself to think.

_You're Gatchaman. Act like it._

The others could go back to Utoland. He would go and check on the complete status of the God Phoenix and their vehicles. Then, he would go to the intelligence sector of G-Town and read every intelligence report they'd received in the past six months, and scrutinize all the global surveillance satellite images that they could obtain for him, even if he had to stay there for a month. He _hoped _he'd have to stay there for a month. He needed some time away from Jun, just long enough to clear his head a little, to get a grip on things again.

It was his only hope.

Behind him, he could hear Dr. Nambu telling the others to leave him alone for awhile, so that he could rest. He heard the door close, and then there was silence.

0000000000

As it turned out, three weeks passed before Galactor resurfaced. In that time, he'd been unable to discover any clues to its whereabouts or activities -until massive earthquakes in Ameris threatened to destroy the city of New Jork. There had never been a major earthquake before in that region. It was so suspicious, even Dr. Nambu had accompanied them there to investigate it.

Now they were standing around in the Dera Desert, west of New Jork, beside the God Phoenix, wondering where Dr. Nambu had gone. They had been in New Jork, launching a tunneling probe that would go deep into the ground and transmit seismic data to the computer that Dr. Nambu had brought on board the God Phoenix. Dr. Nambu should have still been on the God Phoenix, and Ken was feeling anxious. Galactor was clearly behind the earthquakes, and he needed to warn him.

Galactor goons had surrounded them, completely by surprise, in the middle of a New Jork street and had been about to gun them all down. Maybe he would have seen them coming, if he hadn't been so busy staring at the ground, trying not to look at Jun…

He hadn't seen her in those three weeks since the last mission. After the first week without her, his resolve had begun to weaken and every day he'd lifted his bracelet to his mouth to contact her, had asked about the schedule for the subs that went to and from G-Town and Utoland, but something had always made him hesitate and not follow through. And she had never tried to contact or see him.

The only thing that had saved them from death at the hands of the Galactor goons had been the arrival of a man in a helicopter, with a gun. He had shot all the goons and then flown away, but not before his face shield had been cracked by a Galactor bullet. Jun claimed she'd seen his eyes.

Even as he stood there, beside the God Phoenix, staring out into the miles of empty sand, all he could see in his mind was Jun, running down that New Jork street, calling with intense longing after the man in the helicopter. Joooe! Joooooe! Then she'd fallen to her knees, nearly sobbing. He'd realized that, for him, the three weeks apart hadn't changed anything. When he'd first seen her this morning, all that he had wanted to do was pull her into his arms, rain kisses on her face, take her away, far away, to some place where there was no Galactor, no war, no burdens of duty, no nightmares –a place where they could _just be_, together, a place where he could lavish all his love and passion upon her.

But there was no such place –and that was the gut-wrenching reality of it. He was losing her; even as he stood there, in the sand. He was losing her to a ghost, and he had no idea how he could stop it.

The sand heaved, and a vehicle burst forth from the ground. Ken recognized it; it was the new G-2 car. _What did this mean_?

But then the door opened and Dr. Nambu emerged. He got right to the point. The seismic data, and his own reconnaissance, had revealed that the only way to stop the earthquakes that were slowly destroying New Jork would be to take the G-2 deep, deep into the ground, to a cavern there, and explode a special device that would dissipate the magma pressure.

"Let me do it, Doctor."

"No, Ken. This is a mission that only a highly skilled driver can accomplish. I can find one through the ISO."

Why the hell didn't he just come out and say "I need Joe, not you, Ken"! That was, no doubt, what Jun was already thinking!

He couldn't stand it anymore. He was Gatchaman, damn it! He pushed his way past Dr. Nambu, towards the G-2. Dr. Nambu grabbed his arm. Ken was so angry he was about to shove Dr. Nambu away.

But then he heard the eerie whistling, drifting across the desert…

"Who is it, who is it, who is it?"

There was a man on the horizon, obscured by the bright sun behind him, but walking towards them.

0000000000

Sleep was out of the question. "Joe is alive," whispered Ken, speaking to no one except possibly the school of small, silvery fish swimming past on the other side of the undersea window, and they clearly didn't grasp the significance. There was no one else around this late at night, in this lower-level observation room. That was why he'd come here; so much had happened, his mind was reeling, and he badly needed to be alone for awhile before he could face anyone.

Especially Jun or Joe.

The man in the Dera Desert had been Joe, and he'd successfully driven the new G-2, planted the device underground and stopped the earthquakes. The G-2 had been heavily damaged by heat, although Joe had emerged with only very slight burns and scrapes. He had insisted vehemently that he was fine, but Dr. Nambu wasn't buying that. Ken didn't blame him; the last time Joe had insisted he was fine, he'd had terminal brain damage. Now he claimed that Dr. Rafael, the man they'd encountered on Easton Island, had saved him at Karakoram, and cured him. Nevertheless, Dr. Nambu had hauled an exceedingly reluctant Joe off to the medical ward as soon as they'd arrived at G-Town, despite the late hour. Ken suspected that Dr. Nambu would at least want to get a DNA sample, to verify that this really was Joe, but Ken already believed it.

So did Jun. The way she and Joe had embraced each other in the Dera Desert, with tears in both of their eyes…

Ken had been dazed; his heart had been singing with joy to see his friend, his brother, his second-in-command. Only then, in a flash, did he grasp just how desperately and utterly he had missed him, as he realized that he had his friend back, the one who understood what no one else understood, the one who was his foil and counterpart, who challenged him into making the best tactical decisions possible, who hadn't let him get away with anything. He'd also been angry; he'd wanted to grab Joe and yell "why the hell didn't you tell me?" But seeing Jun in Joe's arms had been a stab of pain, and he still felt the ache. How could one be deliriously happy, angry and miserable all at the same time? How could one express that? Were there words for that? Yet somehow he'd known what to do; he'd punched Joe in the face.

But Jun, he was going to lose Jun… But what could he do? How could he possibly explain to her that the love, and the intimacy and the bliss they shared together had so permeated his heart and mind that now he couldn't function as an effective commander? He would have to drag out the deepest and darkest secrets, pull them into the light for her to see, for her to see what a _mess_ he truly was. And then he would have to face them too…

Maybe, somehow… No. God, no, he couldn't. Maybe if he and Jun could have just had more time, together, without having to be Science Ninjas, without having to save the world, but it was too late now. This was going to be another long and hard war; he knew that without a doubt now. The world needed him to be Gatchaman, not Ken Washio; invincible, not weak. He was going to have to rebuild the walls, and recreate the distance between them, the way it had been once before.

He could feel his stomach churning, as conflicting thoughts struggled for control of his mind. "No, I can't lose Jun! _I love her_!" "You have to defeat Galactor–it's your duty." "She's going to leave you anyway."

"Ken?"

It was Jun.

She came over to where he was sitting, near the windows, and sat down beside him.

"I can't sleep either," she said.

He didn't answer her; he just kept staring at the window. He didn't know what to say.

"Ken, we need to talk."

_He had to get out of here_. He stood up quickly, but she grabbed his hand and held it tight.

"You've avoided me long enough, Ken! I understand that you have to spend time at G-Town, but now I know you really just stay here to be away from me. Every time I've tried to get you to talk to me, _really_ talk to me, about what's happening to us, you've blown me off. I've tried waiting around for you to choose the moment to talk to me, but that's never happened. I've tried giving you space, backing off, thinking you'd come to me when you were ready, but three weeks went by and you never even called me on my bracelet, not once."

She was staring at him, her heart in her eyes. She was so beautiful…

"What's wrong, Ken? I've been afraid to find out, but now I have to know, no matter what… One person alone can't keep a relationship going!"

Rebuild the walls, recreate the distance…

"In case you haven't noticed, Jun, I've got more important duties now-"

"Don't try to excuse everything by saying that you're busy or under a lot of pressure –I get that! But it's more than that; you're deliberately cold, you're even almost…" Her voice dropped to a whisper, "_Cruel_, like you can't stand to be around me anymore."

She let go of his hand. "Do you still love me, Ken?"

_Did he still love her_? God, he loved her; if anything, he loved her too much. And his love for her was flawed; _he was flawed_. When he was with her, _truly_ with her, he couldn't tell where he ended and she began; they were one. As long as everything was safe and peaceful, their life together was perfection. But in a time of war… if he had to be her commander, send her into danger, not be able to stay at her side and protect her, he would keep fucking up, get them all killed, letting Galactor win…

He would fail in his duty. Duty was more important than love, and that was the agonizing truth.

"Ken?" It was a plea.

"Jun, I don't have time for love."

She stood up, and put her hands on his arms. There were tears in her eyes now.

"You can't mean that; no one should live without love," she said, imploring him with her eyes, her face, her whole body. He had to make her stop _looking_ at him like that, stop touching him.

"Well then, how convenient for you that Joe is back."

All the blood left her face; she let go of his arms.

"You really think that I… after everything we…after all this time that I'd just-"

"Why not? It's not like you haven't done it before!"

She was stunned, but then her eyes flashed, and her face flushed.

"And you have _never_ truly forgiven me for that! Have you?"

Memories flashed across his mind. His mother, his beautiful dying mother, the last time she'd been able to speak to him before she… She had still loved his father, had still believed he would come back. She had waited. _She had waited_! And his father, he had fulfilled his duty; whatever the personal cost, _he had done his duty for the good of the world_.

_He had to get out of here_.

As he turned though, Jun grabbed his arm again.

"No, Ken, _wait_." She closed her tear-filled eyes, tried to calm her breathing. "What we have, you don't just walk away from, or give up on. We're tired; we're… not really ourselves right now –tomorrow or the next day we can-"

"You don't get it, Jun! I can't do this! _I cannot do this! _Just let me go!"

He turned his head away from her, towards the door. He knew that if he looked into her eyes right now, he would never be able to leave.

But she let go of his arm, and he left.

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He stormed down the corridor. God help anyone who got in his way right now. He had to find a place where he could… a place where no one would find him, where no one would see him. He yanked open the nearest door –a storage room. With only seconds to spare, he was in the room, with the door locked, sitting on the floor in the dark. The tears came; he couldn't have held them back any longer, and he was heaving with anguished sobs.

0000000000

He stood up in the dark, trying to wipe his eyes with a corner of his shirt.

Jun… what had he done to Jun?

He could still see her, her face aglow with firelight and sunset, on that island, just before they had kissed and their bodies had melted together.

His beautiful Jun…

Almost one year ago.

_How had it come to this_?

He had to find her. He should_ never_ have hurt her like that; she hadn't done anything wrong, unless being… perfect was somehow wrong. He had to tell her the truth, that he still loved her. Even if he couldn't _be_ in love with her, right now, he had to tell her the truth. Maybe, some day…

He was moving down the corridor again. He took an elevator up to the level where her quarters were. He emerged from the elevator, and turned a corner. There she was! He had just seen her turning the corner at the far end of the corridor. He began walking briskly; he could catch up to her.

He rounded the corner, and caught a glimpse of her, far ahead and still walking. She had gone right past the door to her own quarters. Where was she going? She was turning another corner, disappearing from his sight, but she hadn't seen him. He nearly yelled out to her, "Jun, wait!" but instead he began to run.

He reached the corner, just in time to see her enter a room, and to see the door close behind her.

That wasn't the door to her quarters, or Jinpei's quarters, or Ryu's quarters.

Joe.

She had gone to Joe.

Even as he stood there in the corridor, he could feel himself shaking, and feel new tears stinging his raw eyes. Should he call her name? Go bang on the door?

No. That would just be pathetic. He had lost her. It was too late now.

He willed himself to breathe calmly, to turn and walk back to his own quarters.

_You're Gatchaman. Act like it._

0000000000

Author's Note: I have a third fic in the works, which will follow _Guinevere_ and _Uneasy Lies the Head that Wears the Crown_, to form a trilogy, but it will likely take me a few months or so to complete it.

Thank you, Transmute Jun, for your beta-reading, help and encouragement!


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